It is the year 2003. A lot has changed in the adoption arena since the placement of my daughter 22 years ago. I am sure a lot has changed for the women of the 1950s, 1960's or prior! Yet still in the early 80's, I had never heard of Open-adoption. Because there was NO such legal choice provided to me. Oh how, that could have saved me from years of wondering, Years of deep sorrow and pain. Severe Depression. Just something as small as to KNOW, to know where she was, to get a letter yearly. Or pictures yearly to watch my precious grow.
Open Adoption, What an impact that could have had on many women that were forced into adoption for their babies. Sounds harsh, Sounds unreal. But it is so true. Teens were forced by their parents, because they were so ashamed of the sexual sin committed that the teen had NO say so No choice but to honor there parents wishes. That to me is a shame that a parent worried what others thought over what there own flesh and blood meant to them. They sent these young women off to maternity homes and told siblings, and other family members and friends that the daughter was on the East coast, or West Coast or where ever they sent her staying with and Great Aunt. Then the young teen or woman returned to complete school, or college "As nothing ever happened." Parents didn't talk to their daughters about what occurred, to shun it as if it didn't happen. OH! OH! OH! But it did. It was a major happening in that young teen/womans life. She had No post-adoption counseling and was just told life goes on. No DUH! Life does go on. But, why scar us. With not talking about it. Even if in my case it was emotionally the best decision for the baby to have 2 parents, stable financially and deeply in love. I am sure the birthmother wanted to provide for the baby. I know I did. My heart died on Aug. 3 1981 when I walked out of the hospital like a zombie. My parents did only what they knew how to do. NOT TALK about it. How torn was I, for I loved my baby, and I loved my parents. I didn't want to rock the boat. Or cause anyone grief. So I punished myself. I ended up in the long run, deciding I just didn't matter much. Suffering low self-esteem. Now this is how I felt about the situation for many years. Not till I was reunited in the year 2000. Did I take on a different perspective on Adoption. Now in my case I see that God just handled my situation his way. The placement was perfect, But the way things went after my adoption could have been prevented. With Christian counseling, and done so immediately following relinquishment. But, no. I just went into this denial stage. I also hide this from a lot of people. It was too painful to talk about, and I protected myself from those that have there opinions. Listen a birthmother doesn't want to hear negative or harsh words said to her, because she is different in your eyes. We are not different. A birthmother wants to be respected. Just comforted,You really don't have to say anything, just be there for her. Because UNLESS you have walked in our shoes. You can't even begin to imagine what we feel, What we have been through. How difficult the decision was to relinquish. How hard it was. But out of great love, and unselfishness it was done, Not for my parents, But for My Daughter. For her to have a great life. The one that I couldn't provide at that very time of my life. So as I am a Angel Bringer of Life. The parents that adopted my baby indeed are Angels also. God has his way. He provides the best timing.
To heal,For through the shattered pieces of brokeness
,
I found what needed to be healed,
Through the pain,
I once again found the BEAUTY of living again,
Always through my pain, feeling each emotion,I found my heaven........
Copyright Protected By Lucy Franklin12/2/2000
Have you Ever?
Have you ever watched a stream flow and noticed it always knew where it was going?
Have you ever looked at the sky so blue and felt the power of its entity?
Have you ever took time to look into the depth of a flower and see its beauty smiling back at you?
Have you ever looked into the eyes of and elderly person and felt their wisdom piercing into your soul?
Have you ever listened to nature talk, the chattering of the birds and squirrels, bees, listen take the time to listen?
Have you ever known unconditional love, it is the greatest love of all,
Have you ever watched the mighty sun go down and really enjoyed the moment?
Have you ever wondered why all this exist?
Have you ever thanked God for all you are so fortunate to be blessed with?
For He is forever, So Have you Ever??
Copyright protected March 25, 1998
By Lucy Frankin
Comfort From Above
Where do you go when you feel deep despair?
Who can you turn to and know they really care?
God breathed life into you when you were born,
So he is always with you when you feel scorned,
He lets you choose your road ahead,
He guides and soothes you like the good book said,
When you feel like there is no hope,
Down from heaven he drops you a strong rope,
Hang on tightly he does say,
And my child of God I'll show you the way,
And as you grasp this rope in your hand,
You feel so warm all over thinking of the promisedland,
Your journey through life seems such a short time,
But its foward you daily do climb,
For when you depart this place,
It is God almighty you get to face,
With his arms open wide,
The heavenly gates let you inside,
You meet your creator with such glee,
Knowing that your truely home safe never to flee,
This place is promised to us all,
And when we trust in him above,
We will feel his forgiving love,
Oh, my child now you can rest,
For you have completed the earthly quest,
With the Angels you now do live,
Where each day we rejoice in heavenly bliss,
Then God reaches out with open arms,
And blesses me with his powerfull charms,
Like magic, I feel free, with Him is where I truly choose to be.......
By Lucy Franklin Copyright protected
1981
Poetry By Lucy Franklin
It Hurt
That very day,
When I knelt and prayed,
The day you were born,
I felt remorse and scorned,
Hot tears ran down my face,
Running a race,
It Hurt,
Yes, It Hurt,
For me to let go,
To let you be raised by another mother,
It Hurt so,
To let you go,
But I knew,
In my heart,
That we must part,
For I trusted in He,
That you would come back to me.........
Dedicated to Brandy Nicole
Reunited 7-5-2000
My prayer answered
19 years later...
Brandy Aunt Mary Birthmother Lucy
Do's and Don'ts of Reunion
I have learned.........
Ladies I would like to share some do's and don'ts of reunion.
1. Do Lower your expectations (This is all new to you and your birth/son or daughter.)
2. Do be honest/ Tell the truth of why placement was your choice for birth/son or daughter
3. Do assure your birth/son or daughter that you loved them then, and do now!
4. Do accept your rightful place in your birth/son or daughters life. (Remember they didn't have a choice.) In there minds there Adoptive Parents are there Parents. (We are just there Angel Bringers of Life!) Understand I do not mean this in a bad way, Many birthmothers had horrible circumstances that when they placed it was NOT there choice. Choice or not. We must be the Adults and respect there loyalty and love for there a-parents. I personally am very grateful and I feel my daughters parents are my Angels.
Don't get me wrong. I had a lot of I wishes after reunion with my daughter. The wish that I could turn back the clock, and I could have been the one that took care of her every need. But I accept that at that time in my life. I couldn't, I was not able. God provided what I couldn't. At that time in my life.
5. Do seek Christian counseling. While going through the reunion process. Counseling did help me. To keep focused on the issues that we faced in the reunion process.
Dont's
1. Don't put unrealistic expectations on your birth/son or daughter.
2. Don't shower your birth/son or daughter with gifts. To make up for lost time. (I did this.) It is not necessary.
They only want your love.
3. Don't be exploited.
4. Don't get caught up in the past! The past is history. If you haven't moved on and healed. Seek your
healing NOW you owe it to yourself and birthson or daughter for the future of your reunion depends on this.
5. Don't meddle Let them tell you what they want you to know or not to know.
6. Don't smother the relationship. Treat the birth/son or daughter as the adult they are. (This is hard for us birthmothers for it is very traumatic for us to see our babies, then place and reunite years later and they are adults.) That really caused me a lot of grief. But I learned it was pent up inside for so long, I had to release it. This I did after she went home I cried healing tears for 3 months. Excessive, well I thought at first. But found God comforts those who mourn.He does bring them joy! Only he can bring.
If you have any of your own Do's and Don't please share.
